I looked at a house today. As in, stepped foot in a house I’ve been looking at with curiosity for months. Our budget says we could totally afford a house once we got into it, but GETTING INTO a house seems impossible and unreachable. At least for the foreseeable future. We have three children (almost 12, almost 4, and almost 1) and the prospect of saving for a big down payment any time soon is almost laughable, if it weren’t so depressing. It would take a miracle.

For now, I must be content to be curious.

Furthermore, I don’t know that this was THE house. It would need a lot of work to get it “just right,” but it’s got a HUGE yard with enormous shade trees, all the bedrooms we could possible fill and lots of little surprises to make it charming (like those vintage blue tile bathrooms! le sigh) And it was pretty quiet. I could imagine happy kids running up and down halls, decorating a room they didn’t have to share with older or younger siblings; tromping up and down stairs, Christmas trees for years to come in front of that gigantic bay window in the front, but I also almost immediately noticed the chipped paint EVERYWHERE, the original laminate (hey, I think I know somebody who could do something about that), big patches of bare ground where the St Augustine died in the shade of those enormous trees, and the most gawd-awful looking metal shed (did I say shed? I meant metal eyesore) that would immediately have to be torn down taking up a good 1/5th of the yard.

I’ll know the house and time is right when I get there. I’ll feel that zing in my ears and that tingle in my fingers. The house will speak to me.

Shush. I heard you laugh.


Soooo, it’s probably not THE house. But it was fun to look. And imagine. And feed a dream that, maybe, thanks to a lot of hard work (and maybe more than a little miracle) might come true. Someday.





Flowers that know my name

I made a crack earlier in the week that I could grow flowers just until they figured out it was me – then, they’d die. It’s as if I have a reputation with all things green and leafy.

I’ve tried to grow flowers and from time to time they live longer than a month. But, most of the time, it’s like they just give up and die. They hate me. But I love them anyway.

I know enough to know I can’t grow Gerber Daisies. They REALLY hate me. Like calling on acts of God (not kidding, people) hate me. I’ve tried twice to grow them and BOTH times (yes, really) there has been a freak hailstorm that completely mowed them down. Zinnias aren’t much better. They start out ok but then they get all wilty and brown around the edges.

Hydrangeas are better but I haven’t tried in a few years.

My favorite flowers to grow are hibiscus. Especially the orange and bright pink ones. They just say summer to me. Begonias are pretty easy too. I like impatiens but they die the first moment it gets above 70 degrees during the day. So, that’s about two weeks in the spring. I like petunias but I don’t know how to cut them back without killing them. See, isn’t this sad?

If I had the time and talent, this is a dream yard:

This is nuts

I’m just sayin’. 

Waiting is fine.  A lesson in God’s timing?  Maybe?  I’m totally ok with that.  But this is bananas. 

In other news: Princess Crybaby has her first tooth!  A little white tooth is poking through her tender little gums and giving her no end of fodder for whiny-ness. 

In other, other news: The day after I soak the grass (which hasn’t been watered since, oh, NOVEMBER) the sprinklers are working and the grass gets watered.  It wasn’t long so I don’t know how much good it did.  I imagine I will still run the little sprinkler a few days to help the ground soften up. 

I’ve had an idea about putting paving stones around the “patio” in order to create little more usable space for the grill and maybe a couple of chairs.  It would delay the need to replace dead grass that was killed by 1. sitting water last fall, 2. a total lack of water through the winter and spring and 3. the high traffic area by the back door (i.e. “patio). 

I think we’ve decided to stay in our house, rather than taking over Mom’s house.  I know it would be a little more affordable and would have an extra bedroom (HELLO OFFICE!) but the drawbacks, while they are minor, would add hassle to our lives and that is counter-productive. 

So, we’re looking to improve on our great little house.  YEAH!  I love a project.  (a major reason I love summer)

The power of a clean house

I know I’ve posted before of my love affair with a clean house.

The events of the past week made it a perfect time to scrub this house from top to bottom.

Life is a lot like my house. It entails a lot of coming and going and so, despite sweeping and dusting on a regular basis, every now and then you have to make time to wipe down baseboards, clean the oven and scrape away the grime that just builds up from regular use.

I think scrubbing floors on my hands and knees, oiling and polishing my beautiful, beat up antique table to a shine was just the healing balm I needed today to clear my thoughts.

Tonight, I am laying on the couch, tired from today’s efforts but feeling more at peace then I have in a while.

Who knew squeaky floors could be so therapeutic? I wonder if there is a scripture about the power of cleaning?


Wish I had mopped first

Back in the summer (before Munchkin came home from NJ), I got on a Sims 3 kick.  I created a family with two children.  Boy, was that a crazy thing – the game took the kids away one time; another time the older child ran away….  In the game, I just couldn’t respond to their needs fast enough AND take care of my own sims’ needs.  Now that Princess Crybaby is here and we brought home the dog (basically like having a toddler in the house) I know what the sim mom must have been thinking, “CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!”  How often, as moms, do we sacrifice our own needs to ensure our children have what they need? 

I don’t know where I’m going with this post.  I am unhappy I left the house a mess this morning.  We were gone all day yesterday so laundry didn’t get done and I didn’t mop the floors AND I didn’t go grocery shopping.  Also, I’ve become accustomed to having time after I drop Munchkin off at school to tidy up from the morning getting-ready blitz.   I didn’t have time to do that this morning b/c Munchkin has a dentist appointment at 3 so I needed to go into the office early so I could leave early.  On top of that, Princess Crybaby decided she was hungry again so everything stopped while I fed her.  Then, the dog needs to go out, the cat needs his insulin shot….see where I’m going with this?  Is it any wonder my hair gets shorter everytime I get it cut?

I’m not unhappy with our situation; I think this morning ruffled my feathers so I’m whining.  I’m a creature of habit, routine and schedules and deviating from that irks me.  I love a really clean house but also will tell you if I have to pick a 10 minute shower, 10 minutes with a smiling, laughing baby or a swiffer job on the floors – the shower or happy baby will win every time.  IF that means my house isn’t magazine ready, then so be it. 

Ok, I’ll quit.  Have a tidy day!


Definition: noun. Fearful anxiety

I have strong mixed feelings about returning to work.

I hate the idea of putting Princess Crybaby in daycare during the most important time of her development.  I know this is what has to happen but I don’t like it. 

At the same time, I want to get back so I can see what is waiting for me – good or bad.

Not standing on solid ground at work is maddening. I am tired of always feeling like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.

I fail to grasp the reason I should constantly question my value to the team or whether I’m even part of the team anymore. It’s tiresome.

During the time of instability, at least I knew where I stood. Knew I was needed. Hey, they came to me. Now, I’m not so sure.

I am not afraid of change and know I bring a lot to the table.  The question is, will I have an invite to the table when I get back?

Then there is the matter of wanting to be at home full-time but not knowing if that will ever be possible.  I can make the math work in theory but we all know reality is rarely as tidy as theory.


clock watching

I start my new schedule at work today: 10am-3pm.  It’s a little odd, considering I’ve never worked half-time before.  It will take a little adjusting to until I have children at home again. 

With Munchkin in Jersey for the summer and the Stowaway still in the slow cooker, I don’t really have anything to do first thing in the morning.  Now, don’t get me wrong – I am NOT complaining!  Au contraire, I think it will be really nice to have a few extra hours to get around and straighten things up and work on the endless packing project before we move.  And then, to have the afternoons to spend with Coach, who is enjoying his summer by recording every scrap of futbol he can find on television.

I made my official Moving To Do list this week and I’m going to tape it to the front door so everytime we go past it, we’ll see what’s left to be done.  It will keep me on track and give Coach some things to do during his day when I’m at work.  *wink*

I feel rather helpless knowing I’m so pregnant and can’t really pick up heavy stuff, or do a lot of, well, ANYTHING.  The logistics of doing a lot of bending are just absurd at this point.  It’s not that I can’t see my shoes, I just can’t reach them.  Not without huffing and puffing and feeling like, surely, I’m folding the Stowaway in half which, I’m sure, she doesn’t appreciate one iota.

I’m FINISHED with all my scrapbooking endeavors for a while – our engagement, bridal and wedding albums should be delivered today and I ordered the Disney album last night so it should be here late next week.  I am so excited to see the albums!  I am really enjoying learning about digital scrapbooking and plan to do a lot more of it. 

Now that we have a good family camera again, I can get picaboo and smilebox transferred over to the house computer.  My next project is to do another album for Munchkin and then, in September, I’ll do our family pictures Andrea Crosswhite will come down and take.  She’s our “family photographer.”  She took Coach and my engagement, bridal and wedding pictures so we thought she’d be perfect to take pictures of our family – from now on. 

Well, my friends, I’m going to enjoy the last 30 minutes of morning before I need to start getting ready for work by making a cup of coffee and taking all the artwork off the walls.  You know, that’s my least favorite part of moving.  Bare walls are lonely walls to me.  That, and packing away my books.  Not being able to see all the wonderful spines and be reminded of the stories whenever I pass by is a little sad.  *laugh*  I’m a dork.  Yes, I know. 

Have a happy day!

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