Another Day

I think I might be more excited than Munchkin - today is her party!  I find I’m so excited, I’m a little nervous.  How silly is that?!  I guess it’s just that we’ve put a lot of planning into it so I hope it’s lots of fun.  I have NO idea who’s coming, which terrifies me, so I hope I have enough stuff for everybody.  (I think we’ll be fine)

Well, I’d better get at it - so much to do this morning!  I’ll post pictures tonight!!

You ever have those days that escape logic?  That sneak up and astound you, when you are expecting it the least?  That’s been today.   

*happy sigh*

I don’t know why.

My head hurts.

I took the hottest bath my skin could stand and that didn’t help.  I so wanted to get sleepy (ok, sleepier) so I could lay down but nope - my head hurts.  I can feel my brain thumping in my ears.  That’s never a good sign. 

Thank goodness for Advil. 

*sigh*

Is it June yet? 

Bathtub (BT for short) or Coach?  Hmmmm….  Funny or practical?  Choices…. ….. *giggle* 

The day when my list of things to do has NOTHING to do with school, students, boards, teachers or parents.  The only camera involved is mine, if I take pictures of Munchkin.  And a nap is almost always somewhere on the list. 

I voted this morning, cleaned all the junk out of the car and had lunch with a friend (I need to come up with a nickname for him…..).  Now, Munchkin is watching cartoons and I’m here.  And now you are all caught up on the day. 

*yawn*  I’m sleepy.  I need to put together the chairs we bought at the same time as the blasted shelves but I just can’t bring myself to make that much noise when I’d really like to lay down for a little while. 

“I fought the nap and the nap won…”

For several weeks, I have felt entrenched in busy - to the point that I feel flustered and useless.  Such helplessness is not in my nature and it is very frustrating.  I hate shuffling stacks of paper around but feel that’s about as much as I’ve accomplished lately. 

Yesterday, refusing to be distracted by my own frustration, I pushed through and tackled a very big item on my to do list: ordering the awards for the employee banquet.  I slept a peaceful sleep last night.  I woke up, ready to get back at it - for the first time in more than a month. 

Today, for the first time in a while, I’m ready for the day - filled with clarity - I know what I want to accomplish today.  It’s going to be a busy day but I’m determined to continue to push and make it a good one. 

Similarly, I’ve been experiencing a self-caused drought in my faith life.  I haven’t wanted to pray, haven’t wanted to read the Word, haven’t desired that close worship with God.  But today, I woke up and felt that sweet tugging at my heart.  For the first time in a long time, I got down my Bible and read from Isaiah.  Isaiah 25:9-12 is where I stopped this morning and, boy, did it speak to me.  “God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands.”  That’s so true - I’m REALLY good at what I do but admit I’ve gotten cocky about work.  It took this time of total ineffectiveness to humble me and remember that under my own strength, my job deteriorates into chaos.  But you know the amazing thing?  At no time did God desert me in my own stupidity - He always had His hand on me. 

So, today my prayer is for clarity of thought and purpose.  More than serving children, I am there to serve the Kingdom.  As my pastor said this week, THIS is my mission field.  I remember a conversation I had with my mother once - it was right about the time End of the Spear came out.  I told her I was afraid to read it because I didn’t want God to call me into the mission field.  To leave all I knew and go into the wild and be a light.  *shiver*  But, as my pastor pointed out, that’s exactly what happened.  I didn’t grow up where I am now.  I didn’t go to school here - my school was the next town over but it was MILES apart in difference - still is, actually. 

I can choose to stand on the sidelines and shake my head b/c “they” don’t look like me and they act in ways that baffle my sense of propriety and logic.  OR, I can roll up my sleeves and get in there with the other kindgom workers and see if we can’t bring THE Light into such a dark place.  THIS IS MY MISSION FIELD.

You know what I’ve discovered so far?  I am so in love with my job.  I love serving these children - I’m in love with them.  I don’t care what they look like - I want to make them smile.  I want to hold God’s mirror up to them and show EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of them how precious they are. 

A lot recently, I’ve been thinking about Jonah.  (usually a sign that God’s about to take me to the woodshed)The fact that Jonah’s story isn’t finished in scripture has ALWAYS bothered me.  That can’t be a good thing.  There is no evidence that Jonah was restored to a place of trusting God’s provision, that he was filled with a sense of grace and understanding and LOVE.  Two days ago, I was sitting there thinking, “what if I’m like Jonah?  What if I make the choice to close my heart against these people, just go in and do my job and leave?  Will my story be left incomplete and unsatisfying for those that follow me?” 

That’s NOT going to be me. 

Not too many details - I’ve been to busy to really think about it.  Have had a few very nice encounters and I’ve made some new friends but nothing yet that makes my heart sing. 

I feel guilty even entertaining any ideas right now because I’m so busy.  The nature of my work is project based.  That’s the mind-set I get in and, unfortunately, it spills over into my personal life as well.  I see this dating thing as a kind of project.  While there aren’t set deadlines (the kind of project I hate - I’m a structure kind of girl), there certainly are goals and objectives to be met.  And, like the open records act, once a step has been taken, the clock begins to tick before the step becomes stale and disintegrates.  I just haven’t had any energy left over to really pursue anything. 

The good thing is that I’m not stressed about it.  I figure I’ll have time one of these days.  Maybe he’ll show up in one of the stacks of paper I’m always shifting around on my desk. 

*laugh*

(hey, at least I can laugh about it, right??)

You know, I changed my major from opera to business to get out of singing for my supper.  But, dummy me, I get into marketing where, what do I do for a living?  Sing for my supper. 

Today will be a perfect example of this.  I’m so glad they’ve asked me to be curriculum chair.  I dislike the way the program is structured in the way of projects.  I want to look and see if we can change the format to better utilize the groups’ talents, interests and experience in a more collective way. 

Currently, we are a group of 21; split into “teams” of 4 and 5.  We are each given an area and we must come up with a project befitting that area (Economic Development, Community Development, Education and … Social Services - I think). 

What usually ends up happening to at least one of the groups is that they lose a member (or two) at some point during the class and this tanks their project because the synergy is lost. 

Another frequent scenario is that nothing really is accomplished in these groups because they are randomly assembled and the team-members may not necessarily have any expertise or (frankly) interest in their category.  I don’t mean that to sound harsh; it’s just my opinion. 

So, at the end of the year, after all class members are thoroughly exhausted from the extra work OUTSIDE of their normal responsibilities - we all come together to present the findings and results of our labors. 

That’s today. 

Suffice it to say that, if I’m up at 5am, cleaning the kitchen, I’m not excited about it.  Ours is one of the projects that didn’t get finished.  Not for lack of effort or research on our part - basically what we found was that there is not a sufficient funding source to establish capital and there is not enough demand for the services currently in the market (we’d have to attract the majority of our businesses IN).  While bringing businesses in is a great thing for the City and that’s part of what eco dev hopes to accomplish, we felt like we needed to be able to put a little more on the table. 

Furthermore, we discovered - through the course of the class days (the endless field trips that were, for the most part, VERY informative and even a little fun) - that industry in this area is exploding in the fields of technology and bioscience.  We’ve been given the state designation as a bioscience district or corridor.  This is great news for the area; not so great for our project. 

We also ran into a lack of funding opportunities through grants and government initiatives.  Oh, sure - if we’d picked technology or bioscience, state and federal monies are flush.  We know that NOW but we didn’t know it back in September and October when we started looking for a project. 

So, today is going to be a summary of our research and our findings and the conclusion that expanding the capacity of the business incubator is a great idea - just not with a commercial kitchen. 

Back to the issue of how to fix it for next year.  Could we split into two larger teams of, say, 10 people and work more collectively on something with measurable results?  I’d love to see all the talents and creativity of 20 people come into synergy for a BIG project each year but think that would be counterproductive. 

The folks enrolling in this type of Leadership class are, by nature, leaders.  Too many chefs, you know…. 

I don’t know what the right combination is.  I’m going in with some ideas but I’m open to hearing reasons for why things are done the way they are (probably a political thing - what if eco dev was NEVER chosen by a class - it certainly wouldn’t have been MY first pick - I’m no entrepreneur.  My brain just doesn’t work that way.).  There may be some things that can be done, such as taking a list of projects in progress that might be stalling for lack of resources (ex. what’s TEDC already working or is on a short-list of upcoming projects) - something that could benefit and maybe actually get accomplished when you add the leadership of the industry experts along with the resources and manpower of four community “leaders.” 

I’m excited about the new project - just not yet.  *laugh*  Let me get today over with. 

The sun was shining, there was a lovely breeze and we were outside.  Well, in the car.  Shopping for the Unbirthday Party.  We had a blast even though, by the end of the afternoon, Munchkin was tired and so was I. 

I’m not, generally, a big shopper.  Hours and hours shopping is very tedious - even if I have a list. 

I’m so tired.  But I need to work on my Leadership Temple project.  *yawn*  Yes, that’s exactly how I feel about it too. 

Forget it, I’m going to bed.  I’m going to back up Alice in Wonderland to the beginning of the tea party and then go to sleep. 

‘night, folks.